Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How's work?
Spinning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
