am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
