Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
