bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i barfeds in our rink
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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