I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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