Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
