Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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