She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She needs sedatives and a leash
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
