dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
