you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
