I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
