Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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