why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
