Im at strip club and am horny
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
