I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize