man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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