Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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