It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
