OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
