Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
