I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
