theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize