Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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