I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
