its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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