I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
