I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
