Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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