grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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