Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize