i just wanna soil my oats bro
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
