Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
