her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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