Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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