I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
