the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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