i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
