so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
