he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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