ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
PANTIES FOUND
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