If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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