I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
