Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
