Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
