WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
