I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize