I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
