Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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