you traded sex for a burrito?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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