His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
