i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
