ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is that a dick in a sweater?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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