whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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