K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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