after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he told me I talked like a deaf person
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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