I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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