Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
