If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
