he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
