i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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