It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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