I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
