I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
